Resurrection

A few months have passed since I’ve posted consistently and while there are reasons for this, I’d still like to apologize for my absence and convey my gratitude to readers who have helped me cultivate a space to express topics of importance to me.

I’ve debated going over why I haven’t been posting, but it’s nothing I haven’t already talked about on the blog (sinus infection that fueled depression, suicidal ideation, impostor syndrome). Even thinking about the blog was too much for me to handle at the time, but after two rounds of antibiotics to kill the sinus infection and beginning intensive therapy to work on my mental health, my strength is slowly returning.

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Now that you’re all caught up I thought it might be a good idea to check in on goals I had set for the new year. I wanted to focus on my overall health and being a better friend.

Health? A good way to sum up where I’m at with health is confused. I managed to lose ten pounds following a loose Whole 30, but as soon as it ended I went back to my regular habits of late night binging on cookies or whatever I can get my hands on. I haven’t gained any of those ten pounds back, but it’s frustrating not seeing any progress and having such little willpower.

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My gym game is almost back on point, but I took almost a full month off for the sinus infection so it’s been a struggle to get back to where I was. Regardless of my lack of speed, I’m still running the Shamrock Shuffle 10k on the 25th with my brother Alex.

I made a decision to enter intensive DBT skills therapy to improve my mental health. It is a year-long program that involves individual therapy, group skills training, and skills homework. DBT stands for dialectical behavioral therapy and the goal is to learn emotional regulation that will hopefully help me change destructive patterns of behavior like suicidal ideation. It’s a big commitment and it isn’t going to be easy, but I’m confident it will be well worth the energy I put into it.

Friendship? My second goal was to be a better friend and spend a good portion of my energy focusing on others instead of myself. I think I’ve been successful at making some changes to become a more compassionate friend. I added a birthday calendar in my bullet journal that has helped me remember to wish those I care about happy birthday and follow through with a gift when I see them.

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I’m doing my best to text people when I think about them or when I have a free moment just to let them know I hope they’re doing well. It always makes me smile to receive messages like those so I’m making an effort to put that positivity back into the world.

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I have been mindful of how burnt out I can get when I have too many social commitments. Even if the plans I have set are fun things with wonderful people once I reach my limit I won’t be having fun or fun to be around, instead, I’ll be fantasizing about being at home alone in silence with the lights off. A good balance seems to be having two social commitments per week, at least while I’m still in college. It’s tempting to say yes to everything, but I’m trying to take a minute to be respectful to others and myself before committing to plans.

As this post concludes and we approach the end of the first quarter of 2018 I’m feeling proud of what I’ve accomplished.

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Are you still holding onto the resolutions you made for the New Year? Let me know where you’re at :).

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