Chaos is My Constant

I’ve posted a lot about the importance of setting a routine and planning ahead, but I have failed to follow my own advice in a “do as I say not as I do” kind of way. It wasn’t  intentional. I went into this semester with a positive attitude determined to use all the tools to help change my habit of procrastination and become a more productive individual.

The reality that change is slow and hard has fully sunk in. A lot of our habits are developed in adolescence so I’ve spent over a decade handling responsibilities in a similar manner: avoid it until you have no other choice.

I know it isn’t healthy. Avoidance furthers my mania and puts me in an overwhelmed and stressed out mindset…. but it’s what I’ve been doing for so long that it’s comfortable and familiar!

When things get hard it’s my default to shutdown. I’ve skipped a bunch of classes, turned in some less than stellar papers and forgotten about quizzes being due. I’m always fumbling at the last minute to at least have SOMETHING to turn in. When I’m not organized academically my social calendar is even more stressful. I have to move things around to force space for the class work I’ve neglected so I cancel, reschedule or completely forget about a commitment. It sure is comfortable, but oh so chaotic.

What can I do about it? All of the suggestions I have made in previous posts are still valid, so for me it’s back to basics. The only thing I can do is be consistent and patient. I always joke that patience is a virtue that I wasn’t born with, but jokes aside it is something that I can work to improve and I can make a better effort to do so. 

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