The prospect of your teen starting to date is naturally unnerving. It's easy to fear your child getting hurt, getting in over their head, being manipulated or heartbroken , and especially, growing up and leaving the nest. But as uncomfortable, daunting, wistful, or scary as it may feel to consider your child with a romantic life, remember that this is a normal, healthy, and necessary part of any young adult's emotional development. But what exactly does teen dating even look like these days? The general idea may be the same as it's always been, but the way teens date has changed quite a bit from just a decade or so ago. Clearly, the explosion of social media and ever-present cellphones are two of the biggest influences on the changing world of teen dating-kids don't even need to leave their bedrooms to "hang out. This quickly morphing social landscape makes it all the more challenging for parents to keep up, let alone figure out how to talk with their teens about dating and establish rules that will keep them safe.
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Even if your perspective is a bit outdated, sharing it can get the conversation started. Ask them what they have in mind about dating and what questions they may have.
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Possibly share some of your own experiences. Go over the topics of consent, feeling safe and comfortable, and honoring their own and the other person's feelings.
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Most importantly, tell them what you expect in terms of being respectful of their dating partner and vice versa. Talk about the basics too, like how to behave when meeting a date's parents or how to be respectful while you're on a date. Make sure your teen knows to show respect by being on time and not texting friends throughout the date. Talk about what to do if a date behaves disrespectfully.
Talk to your child about safe sex. Additionally, don't assume you know or should choose the type or gender of the person your child will want to date. You might see your child with a sporty, clean-cut kid or a teen from their newspaper club, but they may express interest in someone else entirely.
Deep breath-this is their time to experiment and figure out what and who they are interested in. Plus, we all know that the more you push, the more they'll pull.
Your child may be interested in someone that you would never pick for them but aim to be as supportive as you can as long as it's a healthy, respectful relationship. Be open to the fact that sexuality and gender are a spectrum and many kids won't fall into the traditional boxes-or fit the exact expectations their parents have for them.
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Love your child no matter what. Your parenting values, your teen's maturity level, and the specific situation will help you determine how much chaperoning your teen needs. Having an eyes-on policy might be necessary and healthy in some circumstances but teens also need a growing amount of independence and the ability to make their own choices. Aim to offer your teen at least a little bit of privacy. Don't listen in on phone calls or eavesdrop on private chats, and don't read every social media message.
Of course, it is a good idea to keep tabs on what you can, especially if you have any concerns about what is going on. You can certainly follow your child's public posts on social media.
You'll need to follow your instincts on how closely to supervise what your child is doing.
Inviting your child to bring their friends and dates to your house is another good strategy as you will get a better sense of the dynamic of the group or couple. Plus, if your child thinks you genuinely want to get to know their friends or romantic partners and aren't hostile to them, they are more likely to open up to you-and possibly, less likely to engage in questionable behavior.
While it's not healthy to get too wrapped up in your teen's dating life, there may be times when you'll have to intervene. If you overhear your teen saying mean comments or using manipulative tactics, speak up.
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Similarly, if your teen is on the receiving end of unhealthy behaviorit's important to step in and help out. There's a small window of time between when your teen begins dating and when they're going to be entering the adult world.
Aim to provide guidance that can help them succeed in their future relationships. Whether they experience some serious heartbreakor they're a heart breaker, adolescence is when teens begin to learn about romantic relationships firsthand. Expect that your child may feel uncomfortable talking about this stuff with you and may even be explicitly resistant but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't try.
Offer advice, but even more importantly, a caring ear and an open shoulder. Better to err on the side of sharing more information than less. Make sure they understand that anything put online is forever and that sending a nude photo can easily backfire -and be shared with unintended recipients.
Don't assume they've learned what they need to know from sex ed, movies, and their friends-tell them everything you think they should know, even the obvious stuff.
They probably have questions but may not ask themand they've likely picked up misinformation along the way that needs to be corrected. As a parent, your job is to keep your child safe and to help them learn the skills they need to navigate healthy relationships.
As your teen matures, they should require fewer dating rules. But rules for your teen should be based on their behavior, not necessarily their age. If they aren't honest about their activities or don't abide by their curfew or other rules, they may lack the maturity to have more freedom as long as your rules are reasonable.
Tweens and younger teens will need more rules as they likely aren't able to handle the responsibilities of a romantic relationship yet.