Having lived in Thailand for many years and running this blog for over a decade, I've been there and done it: read the book, worn the t-shirt and taken both the red and the blue pills, so to speak. So I know a few things about Thai women and dating in Thailand. I've also seen many success stories, and watched others end in tears. And my inbox Ooh er, Mrs! So before you start your Thai dating quest, I think you might find this insight useful. It could save you time, money, and heartache. The allure of a Thai woman can be very strong.
I know it's tempting, because things back home are boring and routine and women are only interested in men with a lot of money yada, yada, yada. Find someone you have shared interests with, someone who makes you laugh, someone who isn't looking for a cash cow or a financial sponsor for their entire family.
A good goal is to find a partner who is independent, and would be fine whether you were in their life or not. Again, the same goes for your home country, but men in particular seem to lose their heads in Southeast Asia. The risk of sexually transmitted diseases is actually far higher in Thailand that it would be back home, in particular HIV and Hepatitis B. No matter how attractive the person, how kind and caring they appear, you do not know their sexual history.
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Don't take risks. And if you intend on being sexually active in Thailand, get a Hepatitis B vaccination before you travel. I remember when I first arrived in Thailand and we met up with a friend of the guy I was traveling with, who was a regular visitor to Thailand.
He was also with a couple of expats who had lived here a while. We'd soon come to understand the culture of these bars and that the women were available to take home, so to speak. On that first night, after going to a round of bars, we were taken to a local disco. Surprisingly, many of the women in the bars came to the disco once they'd finished work at the bar. So even when you go to a club, depending on the club, it could be difficult to know which women are working an angle and which women are genuinely having a night out.
Of course, over time you know the signs and the signals and in many instances it is very obvious because they are acting in a way that the average Thai woman wouldn't. That being said, after a few drinks even the most reserved office girl can let her hair down, and why not. I used to hang out with some folks from my friend's office in Thailand, and, as is the case back home, the most reserved office worker can certainly loosen up after a couple of shots.
The point I'm making is that bars and discos are not always the ideal place to meet women back home, let alone in Thailand where, particularly in the tourist areas, the line between women working the nightlife and those enjoying it on a recreational basis can be fairly blurred.
If you're not one for nightclubs and bars, or for approaching women to talk to in such environments, then that's where dating sites can be useful - because you can get an immediate insight into the person's life through their profile, and get to know them slowly through a neutral communication channel.
If you're living in Thailand, you can then arrange to meet up, or if you come in for a holiday, you can make plans in advance. Dating sites offer a more diverse range of women.
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Bear in mind that the large majority of women in Thailand do not go to bars and clubs where foreign tourists are going to be hanging out. Many women are only dragged out to a club when it's someone's birthday, or an office do.
Indeed, if you're a newbie foreigner on Thai soil, your first proper conversation with a Thai woman is more likely to be with a hooker than an office worker - which is crazy considering those working in the night-time industry are by far the minority. So they register a profile on a dating site such as Thai Cupid. One unexpected Thai dating occurrence, that might be considered a cultural difference, is that women in Thailand often bring a chaperone with them on a first date.
This might also extend to the second and third date. There are a few reasons for this. The first is that historically a woman wouldn't be seen with a man in a dating or intimate capacity if she wasn't intending to marry him.
This has its roots in the old culture that if a man and woman are seen out eating together, walking around together and doing things that couples do, then they would be considered a couple.
They would then be the gossip of the village. With this in mind, consider that on a first, second or third date, you may not have reached the point where you are officially a couple, and therefore the woman would feel more comfortable if there was a friend there to make it look like a meeting of friends rather than lovers.
The second reason is that Thai women tend to be quite reserved when it comes to dating and intimate encounters. Culturally, it is not becoming of a woman to be forward in this arena, and therefore a woman is likely to be fairly shy and quiet on a first date.
Of course, for the sake of the explanation I am generalizing here and there are exceptions to this.
However, there is also the language barrier to consider, and despite a woman having a good grasp of English, it can still be quite difficult to understand accents from different countries and to follow a conversation in a busy environment such as a restaurant or a bar.
Moreover, your date may have very little experience with foreign men; most Thai women don't. Your date may never have visited Europe, or had a Western friend. Bringing along a friend will make your date feel more comfortable and confident. There will be someone there to break the ice. And then there's the safety issue. It is highly unlikely that your date has told any close family that she is going on a date, particularly a date to meet foreign man.
There are also some men who try to pressure women into intimacy after a date by persuading them to come to their home or go on somewhere for drinks. So having the chaperone there gives your date sense of security and an excuse to leave or go home to her home at the end of the night, should she need it.
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While it may be somewhat annoying to have a chaperone on the first date or three, I don't think it is something to frown at. It's probably the most sensible thing to do. Thai women can be reserved and conservative. This is quite a difficult topic for me to approach because I don't want to be judgmental of anyone's choice of partner, or of any woman or man's profession.
However, over the many years of running this blog I have received many emails - mostly from men - regarding women that they've had a bad experience with. Nearly every single one of these men met their partner in a bar or got involved with a woman who has no job but a number of financial commitments, leading one to ponder as to how this woman was supporting herself before her new boyfriend came into her life.
The story usually evolves gradually over time, uncovering evidence of other men in her life, of increasing demands for money to pay off debts - either hers or someone in her family - drug or alcohol abuse, emotional blackmail and violence, the list goes on. The problem is that many of the women who end up working in bars or as prostitutes, either on the street or freelancing in clubs, or as escorts, have come from broken homes, broken relationships, and abusive backgrounds where alcohol and gambling usually play a part.
Many have also experienced sexual abuse. The other side of this problem is that they are still very much connected to these problems and have a commitment to members of their family who quite frankly they'd probably be better off without.
One of the ties to family is that most of these women have children and the children are living with grandparents or another member of family. They have to send money home their family to support their kids and support their aging parents.
Pay attention to the Thai words that have been translated into English, as these will help you learn the word faster. Thai Love Phrases Transcript The Thai language has 5 tones, but for those who can't read the Thai alphabet, I have provided some instructions as to . 5 Tips on Dating a Thai Girl. You should probably know by now that dating Thai women is a different experience from dating women from other parts of the world. They have a more conservative worldview and this plays a huge part in the way they act and react to foreigners. Learn Thai with Mod! A native Thai speaker, Mod teaches Thai on Skype, and has several videos on YouTube. Learning Thai made easy with Mod! Archives dating all the way back to June (5) May (3) April (2) March (4) February (4) January (3) December (2) November (1).
I've written about this before in a somewhat now famous post that divided a lot of opinion. Having done some work at a women's shelter in Bangkok I have heard first hand the problems that these women have encountered since a young age. Having been in so many dysfunctional relationships, it makes it very difficult for them to be in normal relationships, let alone a relationship with a foreigner who has no idea of their background and present situation.
It can be tempting to be a white knight, but consider that this may not work out very well for you at all, and may end up negatively affecting your life in many ways. But what I am saying is this:. If you can meet a woman who is reasonably well educated, or who at least finished high school and has some kind of diploma or profession; someone who gets up in the morning and goes to work every day; someone who is used to functional relationships within her family, with her friends and has had normal relationships with boyfriends; there will be a greater chance of success in the long term.
Moreover, it's ideal if you can find someone who is good with money and wants to be in a relationship where both people want to work hard to create a life together, rather than a person in a dire financial position who needs you to be their support mechanism, indefinitely. No one comes with zero issues and we all have some baggage from the past. But I'm just trying to be as upfront and real as I can with you on this subject, because I have seen the Thailand dream end in tatters for so many men due to toxic relationships that were doomed to fail from the start.
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Of course, let me caveat this by saying it isn't always down to the woman. Many a foreign man has been the architect of his relationship's demise, and oftentimes it is drink and promiscuity that causes the lady to flip her lid. Anyway, amidst this word of warning it should be said that there are hundreds of thousands of wonderful, down to earth, hard-working, single Thai women who would make any man a proud partner.
To bring some balance to that last section, my advice to you, the man, is to be careful that you don't make promises you can't keep. As noted early on in this post, it's easy to get carried away in the land of smiles.
It is easy to tell a girl that you love her and that you're going to move to Thailand and give her the life she's always wanted.
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The thing is, while some women will know it's the beer talking, others will buy into the fact that they've met their knight in shining armor - because undoubtedly they would have seen it happen to other women. Truth be told, most are miserable as sin :. Again, there is the language barrier and the cultural barrier. Many Thai people only have movies as a reference for Westerners. So you may be talking to a woman who is basing her expectations of Western men on the film Pretty Woman, in which case she is expecting to go from rags to riches overnight.
Nationalities and cultures aside, it isn't nice to lead anyone on and, assuming that the majority of people reading this article are over the age of 30, we should know better than to let teenage kicks control the words that come out of our mouths.
In the same way I have witnessed a number of men return home with their tail between their legs, I have also seen a number of good Thai women dumped by their foreign partners and left at the drop of a hat for a prettier or younger model, or abandoned because there are better prospects back home or elsewhere.
I won't recount the whole story here, but a good friend of mine had a woman banging down his door at 3 o'clock in the morning, kicking and screaming to the point where he had to call the police. He'd been seen going home with another woman! We've all heard stories of scorned Thai women cutting off the penis of their partner and feeding it to the ducks. I know, that's rich coming from me writing this post, in which I have made a number of generalizations. But please understand I had to do this to some degree to try and describe cultural tendencies in particular situations.
But the key is to not judge every book by its cover. Consider that You will read about the guy who made a very bad judgement, or the guy who contributed heavily to messing up his own relationship and blames it all on his partner.
These men take to forums to vent their anger. I mean, I know why they say it, and they are just relating to someone else who has a partner from Thailand. But the reason it makes me laugh is because it sounds like Thai women are some special breed, like they are not inherently human, that they are alien in some way or some kind of special purchase or product.
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Every Thai woman is an individual, with her own opinions, her own likes and dislikes and tendencies. Every Thai woman has her own goals, her own hobbies, her own past experiences and future expectations; her own way of reacting to different situations and dealing with different circumstances.
They are two individuals putting their own stamp on the world. I mean, just think of it like this: how many relationships have you had with women from your own country?
And how many of these have been successful? I'm sure you've had a few bad encounters, but do you go around generalizing about all the women in your country?
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