Ever wondered what dating is like in Japan? However, if you want to read about bragging stories of all those Western guys who get laid a hundred times per day, then you came to the wrong place. There are tons of blog posts like that out there. You might ask yourself why is that? A lot of Japanese women want a guy that tells them several times a day how much he loves them.
At first, I was jealous because Japanese women are nice, polite, absolutely adorable-basically, something I could not compete with. I realized that like in most countries, probably finding a decent Japanese woman is hard.
Someone who is not only cute, but honest and interesting and looking for companionship is especially hard to find in Japan. While it may be nice to get some girls at the bar, I think western men must find it hard to find a Japanese woman that they would actually want to have a long-term relationship with unless all they cared about was having a chick that looks hot.
As for us women: It sucks that we have to put in way more effort than we should to get a man. In the USA, I walk into a bar and usually by the end of the night I guarantee a few guys will approach me. In Japan, this hardly ever happens.
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But who knows, maybe all that hard work and effort into getting a man helps us get a higher quality partner in the long run. But to be honest, I thought a majority of Japanese men were quite strange so I eventually gave up on trying to find a Japanese boyfriend. And I have to disagree with foreign women speaking better Japanese than men. I also want to say that I love the photos on your website!
Keep up the good work :. Hello Mary! Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us!
Being so fake, putting tons of make-up in their faces and speaking like cute little anime characters is certainly not something most sane guys are looking for. B-b-b-but men should approach me! Japanese girls are so boring and uninteresting! Cry me a river sweet-heart. I thought I had it easy in America, but when I went to Japan just for a week it was like playing life on beginner mode. I consider myself a reasonably attractive guy fit, confident, etc. Women approach me in bars, come up to me to dance at clubs, and I do well for myself on Okcupid and Tinder.
But nothing prepared me for how overtly forward Japanese women can be with their attraction. Being groped at clubs, girls giggling around me, and being eye fucked like no tomorrow on the train. I actually met a beautiful Japanese girl in Shibuya. We spent most of the week together before I left. She has already spent some time with me in America.
You know what? But what she lacks in that department, she makes up for being a surprisingly kind and gentle person. She absolutely loves animals and she is an extremely affectionate person. One ct of this article that has been counterintuitive to my experience dating a Japanese girl is the concept of an allowance. When I was in Japan, this girl paid for all my meals, despite offering to pay for the meal, or at least my own.
She never tries to tell me how to spend my money and when she came to America to visit she literally gave me all her money to hold on to for her. She always tries to carry my belongings. If I have a bag with me, she absolutely has to carry it for me and refuses to listen to my objections. She always tries to clean my room and I have to tell her not to. First world problems.
I actually have some Japanese friends through work that grew up in Japan. I can understand the appeal Japan has for foreign men. The women in Japan are incredibly thin and take awesome care of themselves. Well, it pays off. Yeah, no thanks.
According to my Japanese friends in America, there is virtually no hook-up culture in Japan. See that attractive girl walking down the street in New York City? It is definitely interesting to read your point of view. I think that a lot of the stereotypes are just that, and may not reflect as much reality as we perceive.
Oh, it certainly does not, but you would have to write a whole book about it if you want to cover it all! I totally agree. After all each one is unqiue. Ken Seeroi: I seriously doubt that you will find a really interesting girl in a bar. These are found by accident, at work, in a university, etc. French, Spanish and Italian men behave quite differently from Northern Europeans.
They are also very different from Americans. I would assume South Americans are similar to southern Europeans, being influenced by Hispanic culture. European women are not so aggressive as Americans. I could go on. Simone, I agree with you. This was my long winded way of saying that those different people will have a different experience in Japan.
I work with some guys who have been in Japan as long as me, or who have been married around the same time, and their Japanese is basic at best.
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There are a lot of people like that everywhere it seems. Do they like feeling helpless? What happens if they lose their partner or get divorced? Here again you cannot generalize!
I have traveled in Japan several times with a British company, InsideJapan Tours, and all the guides were British or Americans and fluent in Japanese [plus they read and wrote it]. That was true also of their one French guide [who was married to a Japanese woman met abroad]. I stayed in Singapore for 9 years and dating there was impossible. First of all the quality of men in general and secondly, if you went out with your friends they always try to compare themselves to the Angmo.
It was amusing with all the stereo type opinions. My female colleagues at work always said they are not allowed to date a foreigner but they always dated foreigner or try to date foreigners. They would be someone special. This means that once they have sent he defect in their romantic partner, they will not think of continuing their romantic relationship with this girl or guy.
In Japan, the gender roles are reversed. That means that man are supposed to sit and wait for some action and woman are supposed to do all the confessing and chasing part. And woman in Japan usually go hard and persistent when they want to be close to a guy. Some women are usually hurt after one rejection from a guy they have a crush on which is normal. But one of the dating culture in Japan is that one small rejection means nothing to a woman.
In fact, it makes them try harder in chasing her. Woman in Japan will do it by being kind to him, giving gifts that remind them of him and doing literally anything for him.
The dating culture in Japan is quite unusual and fun. Those are some of the dating culture in Japan but it is not set in stone. Sometimes, some people in Japan do not use these culture but some still do.
Since the dating culture in Japan is quite different it might be hard to readjust from your usual dating culture. To approach Japanese people, it is quite tricky. So we will list their characters and how to win their heart. But you must keep in mid that these characters do not exist in every Japanese person, but it is a commonly seen characters.
The people in Japan is very strict to gender roles. This is because the society pressure in Japan is still immense. This strict gender roles applies to everything even in the dating area so it is kind of hard for people out of Japan to adjust to this gender role.
Aug 18, Originally posted July 8 In light of the recently overturned ban on dancing in Japan and the slightly bizarre enforcement of bicycle laws, we've compiled a list of 10 strange laws in Japan. Japan strict dating rules - How to get a good man. It is not easy for women to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man to find a good woman. Rich woman looking for older man & younger woman. I'm laid back and get along with everyone. Looking for an old soul like myself. I'm a woman. My interests include staying up late and taking naps. The Shocking Truth About Dating in Japan as a Foreigner.
The guideline is that man needs to be calm, poised, hard working and quiet. On the other hand, woman needs to be active and vocal. All this expectation leads them to be a very strict and organized person. You need to follow their gender roles expectations even if it is hard for you to adjust to the guide lines. You also need to still show who you really are so that your true self will not fade away because of always following the gender roles. You also need to show that you have the same thought about the future as they are.
In Japan, an organized life is very desirable because it is believed that it can lead a person to a wealthy and prosperous life which is what everybody wants. So, Japanese people usually are very creative and they have big ideas for the future. They also have a hard will to make the ideas happen. That is why they organize things so that it can feel manageable. When this plan crumbles, they often become distraught.
Feb 14, Growing up in Japan my parents were really strict and so I didn't get an opportunity to start going on dates until after I graduated from high school. I think your analysis on dating culture in Japan and the US is society we have the chance to change our environment so that we do not have to conform to unsuitable cultural rules! Decoy. May 31, What to NEVER do on a date in Japan. Japanese girls and boys tell their stories and react to horror dates. They also give dating advice for making dating in Japan a success. The people in Japan is very strict to gender roles. This is because the society pressure in Japan is still immense. This strict gender roles applies to everything even in the dating area so it is kind of hard for people out of Japan to adjust to this gender role. The guideline is that man needs to be calm, poised, hard working and quiet.
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I had the opposite experience. With American guys, if you offer they take you up on it. This can of course vary depending on the individual. I also doubt that women in Japan regularly ask guys out. Talking to my friends, the number of women who ask men out on dates is quite small.
I wonder if the author is mainly speaking if her experiences in junior high or high school, which is of course quite different from dating as an adult. Yup I am talking about dating differences among young people teenagers, 20s in the US and Japan. I am not sure why that is but American women whom I know seem to wait and throw hints but they are hesitant to ask men out. Japanese guys may offer to pay if you are a foreign girl.
They probably offer to open the doors too. In short, many men that I knew back in LA young men of course were jerks. Hmm, allow me to help fill in some gaps. Men were to be charming, polite, intelligent, and women under a similar code were to be polite, ladylike, and more from both sides.
However in modern American dating, it has gotten very complicated. With people being more open and gender roles blurring, people play more games rather than be honest. It has become an enigma, dating in the states. Yes Fortunately I found a really nice handsome American guy. They think girls are expensive being a mom, I think they are too young to get serious. Of course, in America, the dating custom here is more lax than in the Philippines where the guys do the confessing of their love.
Yes I was mainly talking about young jerks who live in Southern California. Asking out on a date is only a very small part of how it is different. How to handle Public Display of Affection is totally different.
Men in both places expect it will develop into a physical relationship sooner than later. When you finally do realize you like each other in the west you hang out quite often but in Japan you might go a week without seeing each other sometimes longer. Also end game expectations are quite different. It is very difficult for women to advance their careers especially in Japanese corporate world.
Japanese government needs to work on this issue. I heard they were doing something. But single women who dont want to work and not raise children are pretty high too.
All this is the bigger reason for the decline in Japanese population.
Mar 13, Japan is one of the most visited countries in the world, as well as one of the most powerful economies out there. Japan is a country that is rich . The s definitely had a very strict and specific sense of courtship etiquette, though some of these rules are still commonplace today. Do you prefer dating rituals of the '50s or today? Let. Jun 24, LOL. It's true that it's a shame that I was not interested in Japan when I was young and single, that would have be very fun I suspect.:) As you said, everyone has their own experience, and from a language perspective, I find it interesting that, while it is my case (we speak French at home, as we ended up moving here well before I knew anything about the Japanese language), every other.
The culture has to change and unfortunately Japanese as a whole are horrible at fixing cultural problems because of the lack of true debate skills. Seems like I need to move to japan. Asking a girl out can be pretty risky. Women do not approach me ever. I guess half of it is my fault for not going to them, due to the fear I mentioned above. Sorry to hear that you feel that way about yourself.
Complete BS. SOME women are shallow. Guess what? There have always been shallow women. Guess what else? There are, and always have been, an equal amount of shallow men. It is easier for others.
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I asked out a girl a few months back but she declined. And she was worried that i was mad at her. In the past when a girl had rejected me, she had asked if I was angry at her. Lol had the same problem at home. I went from 0 real girlfriends to like 6 and finally found a wife. She isnt even Japanese. Being a good man is not enough in America.
You have to be cool and look be the right fit with charisma. I am a dreg over here. I totally sympathise with you, the intention of asking them out completely ruins the approach unless you are one of those alpha guys like you say.
Asia is so much more agreeable as the women seem to be much more interested in the inner ct of youand not so much about how you present yourself. I think in this globalised society we have the chance to change our environment so that we do not have to conform to unsuitable cultural rules!
I agree. Japanese women. I know many nice American girls too. Sometimes it is a matter of preference. I think splitting the bill is gaining some traction in the US as well. Anywho, I think I had a different experience than you dating in the US.
Online dating is very very common and you can never trust men because they could be paying the bills to get what they want! You just never know. To be honest, I have never had those issues. I guess it really depends what kind of people you get involved with.
But it also depends on the state, individual values. We usually pay because we ask the woman out and do not want to be a financial burden to them while they are spending time with us. I lived in Japan for 9 months and as an American female I was approached by a couple of Japanese men who clearly were only interested in me because I am a Westerner.
I am attracted to asians and women of central america. We have to connect in a way like any other relationship. I grew up in Germany and we have the American customs too, but that never stopped me from asking guys because at some point I got really frustrated just waiting for guys to finally have the courage to ask. So typically I take the initiative. Good for you!
Girls should be allowed to open ask men out. And did he need glasses? Anyways great article. I think in our modern culture it would be nice if a girl at least offers to pay for the whole meal. In the beginning men in the US usually offer to pay but usually women start to pay our shares. You know what they look like and a few superficial things they like soccer, Mickey Mouse, etc but other than that, it seems to be based on appearance. Asking someone out and spending time with them in the US is supposed to find out if you like them, not date them because you already like them.
A lot of the time love is based on appearance. So we look for people we consider attractive, and when we lay eyes on them, we want them.
I think the love part is more of a lost in translation thing. As in the translation would be a love confession but thats not exactly what it means. I think both Japan and the western countries have some good and bad things when it comes to dating. I have lived in Japan for 15 months and I discovered that the Japanese women are much more open when it comes to dating.
They are not afraid to go over to you and say hi if they like you. I have also experienced some Japanese girls who was really directly and you knew from the start what they wanted. Those experiences is very rare in the Western countries I think. In my country Denmark the girls are usually waiting for the guys to come over and say hi, plus it is also the custom that the guy pays for the date.
So I think the Japanese way makes the whole dating process more equal for both parts. It seems so much easier in Japan! How lucky most Japanese guys are LOL.
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Here, you decide whether you want to confess first or go out with the person on dates a couple of times to see how things fare; it all depends on the particular situation. Happy New Year Nakata-sensei! I can Identify with your feelings about the dating customs in America being a myriad of confusion!
There are so many walks of life here!
DATING IN JAPAN 101// EXPERIENCES, TIPS, \u0026 ADVICE FROM A FOREIGNER
Many people do tend to just fill space and choose to start a relationship carelessly. Some low-lifes take hostages and wont be honest that they are not ready to be involved with someone else. I think of dating like an ice cream shop. When we were kids our parents gave us ice cream and it was our favorite flavor because its all we knew. As we grew up and find more independence we try new flavors. Then we see that there is not just Rocky Road or Vanilla, there is also butterscotch, or mint chocolate chip.
Someday walking on the road of happy destiny we get to that combination of personality, values, aesthetics, etcs. It can also mean compromise between two individuals with completely different tastes.
That is a HUGE word for people. So be BOLD! Good Luck! In all honesty, I feel I can identify with you about the western dating customs being a myriad of confusion. We have so many different walks of life here in America. Every individual is different! I think there is a blurred line between the ultra-conservative principles in a courtship and the reckless independent liberal dating we see from our youths.
Beyond that it is just two people who are or are not compatible in a relationship. As well as, choosing to be involved in a relationship for the right intentions and the wrong intentions. When we are kids are parents gave us ice cream. That was our favorite because it was all we ever knew. Then as we get older and go to new shops we try new flavors.
Some people find they like Cookie-dough, Sherbet, or Rocky Road. Some people like to add sprinkles or jelly beans or chocolate chips But suddenly, there is always that one type of Ice cream we unexpectedly and whimsically purchased from walking into the shop one day! I found there is nothing better than that irresistible flavor combination that is impossible to turn away from!
Be bold! Be Irresistible! Be Yourself! I have no issue with paying for things. The social conditioning and downright self-preservation are the reasons Western women are so reluctant to be assertive. In my opinion Japanese people are far more interesting than American people.