The aftermath of being bamboozled by a sociopathic or narcissistic dating partner can leave even the most self-aware of victims confounded. By the time we have, they leave in their wake a trail of devastation and chaos. Their victims feel traumatized, terrorized, and depleted, and rightfully so. In the most extreme cases, getting involved with a sociopath unknowingly can be deadly. He even had multiple affairs while she was pregnant and attempted to blame Shannan for the murders of their children before pleading guilty to all the murders.
They may bemoan terrible things their ex-spouse did, only for you to discover that they are the ones who engage in these same behaviors. They may talk about numerous divorces all of which were the fault of their exes.
Chronic triangulation is also a common tell. They may still be leaving clues of their emotional unavailability, insatiable need for attention, and penchant for manipulation by manufacturing love triangles known as triangulation. Sociopaths are prone to introducing the threat of other romantic interests by talking excessively about those they are attracted to, those who admire them, or those they had intimate relationships with.
They may go so far as to flirt with others in front of you to provoke your jealousy. These are all ways to remind you that you can easily be replaced, at any time. The shady nature of their commitments is revealing. Long-distance relationships are the perfect cover for both commitmentphobes and malignant narcissists. Meanwhile, the predator can engage in numerous affairs without the primary partner knowing.
Or, the sociopathic predator may have an absence of long-term committed relationships aside from college and high school - that too can be a red flag of their inability and unwillingness to commit long-term. Malignant narcissists gain pleasure from provoking others, toying with them, and inflicting pain; many on the higher end of the spectrum are sadistic in nature.
A quick way to figure out if someone is sociopathic? A manipulator is always looking to collect information about you early on to use against you as ammunition later. For example, if you reveal that you have an insecurity about your weight, the sociopathic predator may reassure you of how beautiful you are, only to later scrutinize your body months later. The most sadistic of sociopaths will actually incorporate the exact, specific details from the traumatic incident into their actions to make you relive the experience, all over again.
For them, this is a sadistic game, power play, and display of dominance, nothing more. Robert Hare notes in his Psychopathy Checklist that psychopaths usually demonstrate sexual promiscuity and have a constant need for stimulation.
Psychopathy is also a significant predictor of sexual violence Kiehl and Hoffman, Psychopaths are also very prone to boredom, which causes them to always seek excitement outside of their significant relationships in ways that can be dangerous. They are notorious for having numerous affairs, living double lives, and having indiscriminate, risky sexual encounters with anyone and everyone regardless of their sexual orientation.
Malignant narcissists and sociopaths can also be sexually coercive. Because they do not have any regard for the rights of others and are excessively entitled, some pressure or even force their partners into sexual acts they are not comfortable with. They may also punish their unwilling partners by discarding or devaluing them if their victims try to put up sexual boundaries. They are not above crossing these sexual boundaries to get what they want. There are plenty of red flags which can clue you in on who you may be dealing with.
Victims can fall prey to sociopaths easily, especially if they are at a particularly vulnerable stage of their lives. Even the experts can be duped. However, there are measures you can take to protect yourself and hopefully reduce the amount of harm that can be done if you run into one of these toxic types. Some victims may be feeling particularly lonely and longing for a relationship when they come into contact with this type of charismatic predator.
When they do, they may mistake their love-bombing for actual love and disregard the warning signs more readily. Other victims may be grieving a loss or recovering from a traumatic event, which causes them to latch onto any perceived safety net that could help them during this difficult time.
When Shannan Watts met her husband and murderer, Chris Watts, she had been diagnosed with lupus and was experiencing one of the darkest periods in her life. We are far more willing to overlook red flags when we have these voids or struggles in our lives.
Something is. dating a sociopath silent treatment apologise
Build your financial independence, get your own home, find a good social circle, work on your education, and pursue a career or passion that gives your life meaning outside of a partner; these will help ensure that you are never dependent on someone else to give you what you need in terms of basic needs.
Grieving trauma or a loss is best done with a therapist, a healthy support system, and an appreciation for everything in your life, not just romantic relationships. At the same time, take every red flag very seriously - even if they appear to be small. Remember, this is a stranger you do not know yet. If they withdraw or abruptly abandon you as a result, you have your answer: they were never interested in getting to know you. Partners who are truly interested in forming a real relationship know there is no rush in having sex or sharing personal stories - they know they will get there when a certain level of trust has already been established.
Trust actions over words, and patterns over singular actions. They may disparage others who cheat and lie, all while committing the same acts themselves. They are very convincing. This level of deception takes a sort of conscienceless mastery. American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders 5th edition. Washington, DC. Buttafuoco, M. Getting it through my thick skull: Why I stayed, what I learned, and what millions of people involved with sociopaths need to know.
Eddy, B. Go careful. You know compared to how I felt yesterday, what it confirmed to me is that I am better off without him and this ST and my subsequent NC was making me create scenrios sp where I was questioning my own sanity and getting angry at the way he was treating us and especially our daughter. Can I point out at no point did he ask after our daughter.
I know for a fact that I do NOT want him back. I will stay strong. While I should be shocked I am not, because as you have explained he has done this before. He has an ulterior motive Knowledge truly is power and knowing what I know now especially from your posts, it gives me the tools to see and act upon his actions. I will Risewow, he sounds like a winner! Here I am seeing a therapist, going on anti depressants for the first time in my life, really strugglingand she is just swanning and flitting around my small town with guy after guy and living it up.
He most likely gets off on the torment as well. His changing his number was a way of covering tracks as it sounds like a few folks are on to him and his game.
Hopefully notbut be sure to take him to the proverbial cleaners btw. The OW is only getting the illusion of him.
Apr 30, The silent treatment is sometimes just a sign of poor communication skills. But it can also be a tactic in emotionally abusive relationships. Learn how to respond to it and when it becomes abusive. Aug 09, dating emotional abuse healing and recovery heartache love narcissist psychopath relationships silent treatment sociopath stonewalling Post navigation Previous Post Tips and tricks to bring focus back to you after dating the sociopath Next Post Why victims/survivors have a better understanding of sociopathic behaviour than most psychologists. The silent treatment is a brutal form of abuse-one that pins you against your own mind. You declare war on your intuition and everything that you know to be true. Once your identity has been sufficiently eroded, the psychopath can use this final technique without any chance that you'll leave them.
Ironically enough when I spoke to her, everything she told me about him was exactly what he told me when we first met. I just want a divorce and a clean break from him. Whatever he wanted from me and my family he has got, so good luck to him.
Consider, that dating a sociopath silent treatment shaking, support. join
Says alot about them and their self image. Cash the mere fact that we are on sites like these sharing our stories shows we are strong and will get over this! It takes a bigger person to talk about it and look at it in retrospect. Cash, yes definitely a blessing that he has no contact with her. It would be detrimental to me and her. No doubt he is blaming me for everything and painting me to be the wicked witch of the east - if it means freedom then I am cool with that.
Keep strong. And yes I do question myself and think what did I do wrong, but I know I emotionally and spiritually killed myself to make him love me, only to know that this is him and his wicked ways.
The worst part was, I had assumed his integrity was his own, not a reflection of mine. So they leave before they arrive so to speak, they are never really there to begin with. No More Insanity I can definitely vouch for that.
I thought irrespective of his previous relationships where according to him the women were in te wrong, I thought I would be the one where everything is different. How wrong was I?! My ex did this too. That happened every time he gave me the silent treatment. He completely had me figured out. I also posted in some of the earlier comments about that song. How can a normal person at all know about the existence of these kind of people before they stung you and you struggle for your life afterwards?
Everything they do is an attempt to brain wash and control, as is, in the end, this song also. Will they give up once you take back control by being the one to dish out the silent treatment?
I use blocker for my phone. And you are not put under the pressure of ignoring. Just keep going. But a blocker app on your phone and let him call message to his hearts content there. My sp discarded me and then got engaged. You think she will come back again? I was actually prematurely discarded in my opinion as one night it came to a headand she kicked me out of her bed when another guy showed up and I was asked to leave and he just took my spot in her bed. Did I lose her for good? Why would you want her back?
We spent some weekends together but never actually became an exclusive couple. We eventually went our separate ways and dated others. In April I came back into her life and we started going out but she said had been seeing a guy for two months but she said she loved me and had always loved me. Eventually, she asked this other guy for her house key back and told him she wanted to see other people.
This was right after her and I went to Philly together for 5 days. However, according to her she did not tell him specifically that he reason for the breakup was me. So she never actually stopped seeing this other guy and she continued to see me as well. Over the next three months she and I traveled extensively taking trips out of state, hotels, bed and breakfasts, Eastern Shore, DC on the 4th of July, Atlantic Cityetc and having the BEST times every time She was mostly honest with me about still seeing him and which I hated knowing but I accepted.
But I still hated it.
She always lied to him when she was with me. I let her control the situation. She said she was just trying to spare his feelings and I accepted it because I was hoping that I would eventually be with her forever.
Dating a sociopath silent treatment - Is the number one destination for online dating with more marriages than any other dating or personals site. Rich man looking for older man & younger man. I'm laid back and get along with everyone. Looking for an old soul like myself. I'm a woman. My interests include staying up late and taking naps. Men looking for a man - Women looking for a woman. Whether it is a present silent treatment where we talk to everyone else around you but not you or whether it is an absent silent treatment where we disappear and cannot be found or contacted, we know that this is highly effective. It does not matter if the silence lasts for ten minutes or ten days. A sociopath is someone who has antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). Here are the symptoms, treatment options, and how to cope.
That was probably one of the most hurtful cts of this relationship. Knowing I was being hidden away like she was cheating on a husband or boyfriend. When she went out with him though she would post it on Facebook and also tag him which made me feel awful to know she would do that with him but not me. She claimed it was because people assumed they were still dating.
This was extremely hurtful as well. She always managed to call me days later like everything was okay and always had some kind of excuse. This woman initially bombarded me with words that made me feel awesome. She said she loved this other guy too but her love for me was different - with me she had such passion.
Has analogues? dating a sociopath silent treatment well understand it
She was IN love with me versus just loving the other guy. She built me up. She made me feel so specialand she was so much funand I found her to the most beautiful woman in the world.
Not a woman alive could make me feel as special as she did. Looking back though, I feel I was more addicted to this woman than in love with her. Anyway, there was always so much drama which went on for monthsit took its toll on meI lost over 40 lbs. He yelled inside that he knew I was there my car was out front. I was completely disgusted; totally devastated. He basically just took my spot in bed. I was totally numb and in a fog.
This girl said I meant so much to her. She unfriended me on all social media sites then never called me again. I tried contacting her and was successful sometimes. My entire life has been affected. I go to sleep thinking of her. I dream about her. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking of her. Why do I feel like this after being treated like this? Seemed I took her out of her comfort zone. Seems I should consider myself lucky that she went with this guy and left me alonebut does anyone think she will leave me alone forever?
How sick am I? I kind of figured maybe I was the transitional victim of a sociopath. Sociopaths use some people to satisfy their temporary needs in between long term victims.
She always said she loved me but she never actually demonstrated her love to me. Aside from a few dinners at the beginning, she never spent a dime on me.
Why Do Abusers Give the Silent Treatment - Narcissist Tactics!
She also never showed remorse or guilt about anything that happened between us. You think she just tried to destroy me emotionally for fun? Is this just a confused woman who found herself in a love triangle and maybe wanted her cake and eat it tooor is she truly a sociopath?
She never talked bad about her exesshe was never EVER rude and she never raised her voice. Very soft spokenvery good looking and very charming. Lots of people Male and female simply adore her. The last time I spoke with her she said she loved me and would always love me. She really did a number on my head.
The question is, do you want her to come back? Or do you want her to treat you badly? As sociopaths even on their best behaviour, cant help treating people badly, esp when they think they are losing control. I pine for this womanand I hope she never reaches out to me againbut I hear they do come back.
Is it most of the time, some of the times, almost always? The idealization was awesome. I also never got to see her mask completely fall which makes it harder to get over her. Her behavior sounds very sociopathic. Typical sociopathic bullshit. Also, the way that she made you sick, that is also a symptom of being abused by sociopath. Stick to no contact there is no other way.
As soon as he went out I left. Yes there were signs.
Remarkable, rather dating a sociopath silent treatment thanks for explanation
But I really thought we loved each other. How can he just forget that. How could he be so cruel. I know I am better off without him honestly I do, I know God has a bigger plan.
I feel a lot better than when this first happened. Silence hurts more I think than his behavior and words. I know how it feels.
Reading your comment was like reading my experience. Silence does make the loudest noise.
Dating a sociopath silent treatment
Hold tight. Know that God is in control and you will get through this. I promise you. It hurts. We have a baby girl together and he has made no contact regarding her?! That kills me. They add nothing but destruction to our lives. Iwillrise thank you for your kind response. But you are right. God has a plan for all of us. Our relationships ended to protect us.
It really is like a death. You sound like such a strong woman.
You will get through this as well. Tbh everyday is a struggle.
So he was was being unfaithful to me, while I was pregnant he was with another woman and this woman had a baby in October. Needless to say the woman believes or wants to believe his lies. She puts out pictures of their happy home life my fault for looking. We have to believe that everyday we will get stronger. We have to reclaim this Silent Treatment and turn it around into No Contact. No matter how unbearable it gets I will just draw strength from God and this website and ride it through.
I cannot believe that. And think pregnancy is supposed to be a time you are most connected to the person you love. I like to think God performed a miracle getting me to leave him, and he certainly did for you too. He knew your ex would not treat you and your daughter right.
You and her have your whole lives ahead of you. And you will find someone who loves both of you, genuinely. So I feel your annoyance and pain. They are miserable and always will be. You are very strong and very smart, your daughter is very lucky to have such a loving mother. After a two year crazy relationship full of ups and downs, I finally called it off after the 6th, yes 6th time I caught her cheating.
I know deep down I am so much better off, but knowing someone I cared so deeply for and gave up so many things for can just not care to have contact with me kills me. Everyday I try and find a silly reason to text or call her, but I stop myself. My New Years Resolution is to make this year all about me. Focus on myself and finding that fun loving person I used to be.
He was looking for his next victim. I struggled to come to terms with what had actually happened. I fell for the superficial charm. Things got very intense very fast: meeting the parents in the space of days after intimacy, little things like holding my hand, meeting the 7yr old son son lives with the ex I thought was a big thing considering we had only just got together, invited to family BBQ where i met more family, friends etc everything seemed to happen at such speed and he seemed to be taking thing serious, i was drawn to him.
Wanting to see me all the time. I felt like I had met my soul mate. I thought maybe he is just a womaniser. We then spend a few more days together and he turns distant again but invites me to another family BBQ, then completely silent for 6 months - not a single word! I was left very confused and wanting closure so i tried to contact him various times throughout with no response - making myself feel desperado in the processnot good!!
THEN i message him last week and he finally replies, super nice and he suggests catching up for coffee - to which i agreethen he starts constant messaging into the night and starts getting very flirty and wanting me to send him a pic of myself! He drunk text me once before the 6 month silent treatment telling me he loved me but found it hard to talk?! But then stating we were friends nothing more. Since reading the signs theres a lot i can now identify.
The smirk - seriously now know what that meant - he was already done with me. I thought it was infatuation! The mixed signals and the projection - random outbursts, followed by silent treatment and last but not least being in a position of authority - they thrive in them sorts of work environments.
I feel its easier in letting go now and i can finally move on with my life. This site has been so helpful in identifying sp similarities. My SP is a national union rep who loves to fight and win. Stop playing. Get out.
Stay out. Focus on you. It is not your fault. There is nothing that you did to either deserve or cause this. In fact nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome. The behaviour is repeated behaviour because of the way that the sociopath sees the world. In the sociopaths mind, life is a game. People are objects to be used to achieve their own agenda, and get what they want. Try to now think of you. Use this time to take back control.
YOU decide to establish no contact. You have lost nothing - whilst you were with the sociopath you were losing.
Aug 09, The silent treatment is a form of control to hurt and punish you; That the sociopath will (unfortunately) come back (almost always) It might feel like the sociopath has dropped off a cliff - but he/she hasn't. Likely they already know (they have assessed you) what your reaction will be to the silent treatment. Mar 12, by Quinn Pierce A Stifling Silence One of my ex-husband's favorite tools of manipulation was the silent treatment. On the surface, it seemed like a childish ploy to get what he wanted, but in reality, the silent treatment is a behavior abusers use to attack their partner's vulnerability and self-esteem in order to exert control. I can clearly see now that my ex-husband took plenty of time in. Dec 16, Stonewalling and The Silent Treatment. Usually, stonewalling and the silent treatment go hand in hand. After the victim has been stonewalled, the other person is treated to a form of silence that is deafening. Yet the silent treatment can also occur without warning or stonewalling as well.
You were losing yourself. Now you are free. It might feel strange at first. Just take one day at a time.