When I was 15, the boy I'd been secretly dating told me over AOL Instant Messenger that he liked me, but he didn't want to see me anymore. When I asked him why, he told me it was because he knew I was abstinent. At that time, I had already made a commitment to abstinence. I never took an official pledge or anything, but I'd made a personal decision, based on my Christian beliefs, to not lose my virginity until marriage. I wanted to follow Jesus's teachings and honor the Bible's commands to resist "sexual immorality" and give myself only to my spouse - not as dogma, but as a rule I truly believed was in my best interest.
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There are other ways to show your significant other how you feel about them. Sending some words of endearment, cooking a nice meal, surprising them with a present, or even showing interest in activities they enjoy are all good alternative to expressing yourself other than being intimate.
While being intimate is a huge form of communication these days.
For example, to show your boyfriend how much you love him, you may sleep with him or other bedroom activity. If you're dating someone, you might've previously gone home with them to "get to know them better. And while it may be challenging at first, you may discover the new ways you find to show these things are more rewarding and loving on a deeper level.
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You know the old saying, "you never know what you've got 'til it's gone? If you take it of your life, you're going to eventually realize how big of a part it once played in your life.
For example, you may discover you used your appeal to get what you wanted, even if it was unintentional. Additionally, because you'll have a clearer vision of the part that it plays in your life, you'll be able to see clearer the part it plays in other people's lives as well.
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For example, you may realize that every guy you surround yourself with is really only interested in one thing. And the goal in any healthy and loving relationship is to be with a partner who loves you no matter what.
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So if by eliminating this part of your life affects your relationship or is the only part of your relationship that matters, then it's time to ditch your man. Sorry ladies, as much as you may think you love each other, this will show you his true feelings and you'll be able to see just how much he's willing to sacrifice for you. While there is responsibility in making the decision to be celibate, by making the decision, you're also getting rid of a lot of responsibility.
How so? First of all, if you're not having it, you're not going to get pregnant. Second, if you abstain from it with other people, you're not going to give anyone the "wrong idea" or confuse intimacy with emotional intimacy.
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Third, you'll lower your risk of contracting STIs that can be both harmful to your health and wellbeing. Think of all the stress we as women go through when it comes to spending the night with a guy you just met or trying to remember just how safe you and your boyfriend were. While not every woman may stress about these things, it is normal if you do.
Think about how great it will feel to wake up after a night out in your own bed instead of waking up in a panic in someone else's bed not sure what you did and how safe it was. Let's face it: Ideas surrounding intimacy, marriage, and relationships constantly circulate through our minds.
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Even if we don't intend to make them a focus, they never fail to become one. Therefore, if you make the decision to avoid these things, your life is going to change. Most likely, you won't find yourself daydreaming about that co-worker you've always wanted to sleep with because you know, it just won't happen. At first, it may be hard, but as you get used to your new mindset, you'll find that you'll no longer be bothered by these thoughts or impulses you might've previously had.
Think about all the things you can get done because of how little time you spend daydreaming. Cute co-worker, no problem!
You'll continue to go about your day, and you'll be a lot more productive in the long run. Who doesn't like productivity, especially at work If you're in a relationship with someone and you've previously had a normal private life, taking it out of the equation is going to dramatically change the way the two of you connect.
If your partner isn't celibate, they may have a hard time adapting to your new way of life.
Even if your relationship didn't revolve around it, it's normal for it to be a part of a healthy relationship. Therefore, you and your partner may have a difficult time finding new ways to connect and show each other love and affection.
Every relationship goes through something, it's getting through it that becomes difficult. While she had previously had sex with other partners, he was a virgin, as she learned when they had their first kiss and he "made a big deal" out of it. When Darlene told Tyler about her previous sexual experiences, it hurt and upset him, which made her feel guilty about her own sexual history.
He then told her family that she had previously slept with other people. Five months into their relationship, Darlene and Tyler ultimately decided to have sex, which she says he initiated.
Although they later started having sex regularly, things still weren't quite right. Tyler continued to feel guilty, as well as resentful of Darlene's past sexual experience.
After two years of dating on and off, Tyler and Darlene broke up. For those who have taken a chastity vow, being chaste is not a casual religious practice, like going to church on holidays or getting baptized. Instead, it's a large part of your identity.
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For Christians in particular, sex is a spiritual and intimate act that should only be shared with one other person, so the guilt over sharing that with someone who is not your spouse is deeply felt. I remained abstinent into my early 20s, and it made my love life incredibly challenging, to say the least.
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Dates couldn't wrap their heads around the idea that I was devout, so they would goad me and try to sweet-talk me into having sex. They were convinced I didn't truly believe in my vow, or that I didn't truly know what I wanted.
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They insisted that I just hadn't met the right guy yet, or that I just needed a gentle and experienced lover to show me the ropes. None of these things were true, and when I stuck to my beliefs, some dates were truly nasty about it. My own decision to leave abstinence behind was as heartfelt and painstakingly thought-through as my initial vow of celibacy.
I ended up losing my virginity at 24, to someone I'd met at a bar 48 hours before leaving the country for several months. Though I recognized it would likely be a one-time thing, I felt completely empowered, like I had nothing to lose.