This is not to imply that women should wait around to be chosen in the dating world. Not at all. When a man is unavailable, in another relationship but you continue to seek his attention, that is chasing. There are very few scenarios where going after a man will prove successful for a woman. What she really knows is that there is sexual attraction there. Sexual attraction does not a relationship make however.
In the dating game, women view winning as a relationship. This is more likely the case than with a man. A man will chase a woman and end up in a relationship but a woman will chase a relationship and end up with a man. We see this scenario at length when men and women live together but never marry. If you meet a great guy, vet him first. Pay attention. This is ok, but what is more important?
When you let a man initiate the courtship, with your willing participation of course, you get to see him for who he really is. And when he shows you accept it. There is no doubt that women like to be in control, but men like to lead. You have to admit that your desire to chase a man, especially someone unavailable is a deeper control issue. When you take charge, you know what to expect. When the man is in charge, you actually have to exercise patience. In fact, patience is a sign of maturity.
There were a number of insightful, informative speakers there, but one message in particular stood out to me. It went something like this:. And you might be discouraged. So what I'd say to you is, before you listen to their advice, take a moment and ask yourself how well they're doing with their own real estate investments.
Chances are, most of the people giving you this advice don't own their own homes. They're renting - paying other people's mortgages for them. And they're probably stuck in a 9-to-5, trading time for money. If you want to be successful in real estate, you don't listen to someone who rents his or her apartment and doesn't own a piece of property.
You listen to someone who's already successful in real estate. When I heard that, I thought it was such a significant, important piece of advice. I realized I'd been following it in most areas of my life - I wouldn't tell most people about my plans or endeavors, only discussing them with people who had already succeeded at what I wanted to do or were well on their ways - but I'd never consciously considered this before.
If you want to succee you need to choose advisors who are already successful in the area you're seeking success in. A lot of people can give spectacular sounding advice. I could tell you that if you really want to make money, just go invest in this stock, this stock, and that stock and it's a sure thing; you'll double your investment by the end of the year. Just check out this data I have supporting it. These companies are the leaders in innovation in their markets, and their markets are poised for a jump forward.
It's a can't-lose deal.
But if I am not actually all that successful with my own stock purchases, well Nevertheless, a lot of people do just that. Most of the guys on TV and the Internet pitching stock tips actually aren't all that successful at investing in stocks.
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Otherwise, they'd probably be chilling on an island in the South Pacific fanning themselves with hundred dollar bills instead of collecting paychecks by recording five half-hour shows a week telling you where to put your money. And it isn't just speculators. Everyone wants to offer his or her opinions, thoughts, and advice.
But that doesn't mean you should take it. Look very carefully at the individual's actual results, and closely examine their logic. Does it stack up with stuff that you know personally works for sure?
Are they testers - do they rigorously test out and apply in-field the things they're recommending that you do? Finding people that actually know what they're talking about on a particular subject isn't always an easy task, but it's one you should prioritize and invest a great deal of time into. If it takes you six months to find a proper advisor, you're going to learn a lot more to help you succeed in the following six months than will someone who spent a year listening to unskilled or speculation-prone advisors.
Well, the first reason is what we just talked about: women are as inexperienced as it gets in picking up women as a man. Even the women who sleep with other women are having qualitatively different experiences than men do with women. Women who sleep with women can offer you some fascinating insights, but even they have a lot of advice that doesn't work so well when applied to men. For instance, an opener I've heard recommended by women who sleep with women is, "Oh my God, you're so beautiful!
You'd better seem supremely confident and high value to pull this one off. Fact is though, most of the women you'll hear giving you advice on succeeding with women don't have much experience succeeding with women themselves.
In fact, often they don't have any. It's kind of like taking dating advice from your priest. Or computer advice from your granddad who's never touched one of those whatzits before but he's seen them on TV. So when a woman says, "Just be yourself!
She's saying that because she thinks it ought to work. And that's one of the most dangerous kinds of advice you need to be aware exists: advice that people think ought to work. Of course it'll work! I think! I mean, it should!
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Everything you read on this blog - every single piece of information or advice - is stuff I've personally tested again and again, and quite often other men I know have too. If I tell you it works it's because I've seen it work and it works for me and it works for the guys I recommend it to. Every now and then I find stuff that works for other guys but doesn't work for me, or stuff that works for me but doesn't work for other guys.
I refrain from recommending those things. And I never, ever advise anyone to do things I haven't tested and haven't seen other guys test.
I just don't do it.
I don't want to be known for giving out flimsy advice that doesn't hold up in the real world. Most people don't hold themselves to a rigorous standard of testing though, because their reputations don't rest on it.
If Elizabeth tells you it's okay to cry in front of a girl you like, you're not going to ruin her professional or personal reputation if you report back that you cried in front of a girl and then that girl got disgusted and left. It doesn't affect Elizabeth one bit; she just shrugs and says, "Well, sooner or later, you'll meet The One.
She faces no consequences, and often isn't even going to end up getting told when her advice falls flat, so she never stops to check if what she's saying actually works.
Does it actually produce results? There's one more reason why women's dating advice for men doesn't work, though, too: women advise men with a different objective in mind for the man than the man has. Ask a woman what she thinks a man's objective is when he goes on a date with a woman.
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Then ask a man what his objective is when he goes on a date with a woman. If you ask a guy in public, of course, he's going to say, "Well, I just want to get to know her and find out if we get along and find out if we're a good match.
Men don't say, "I'd like to take her home and sleep with her," because if they do, women raise their hackles and get upset and even some other men will call them horrible, terrible, no-good cads who entirely lack social grace and compunction.
So, instead of saying, "I want to sleep with her," men say, "I just want to get to know her and find out if we get along and find out if we're a good match. Fact: the "vetting" process is actually a lot more important for women than it is for men.
I've had a few guys tell me they were just dating around trying to find the right girl, but with most men, I find they know pretty darn quick if they're going to get along with a girl or not. For men, it's mostly about looks and personality, and you've got a read on both within a few minutes of meeting her, tops. Women aren't thinking this way in their advice to men, though. They're not thinking, "Hmm, how can I get him in bed with her as quickly as possible?
Instead, they're thinking, "Hmm, how can I make sure I give him advice that won't cause him to lose? Because ultimately, women are emotional caretakers and protectors of calm and stability and the status quo.
Jun 08, Members of the Dating Advice Forum discuss "Do I chase him." What's your take? Join the discussion free!
Women want to make sure everyone feels okay, and nobody rocks the boat. The girl giving you advice really doesn't want you to get hurt. She doesn't want you to face the pain of rejection. And because she doesn't want you to get hurt, and because she doesn't want you to have to face the pain of rejection, she'll give you advice that's going to maximize your chances of NOT losing.
Not losing means you play nice. Not losing means you play safe.
And that's the final reason why not to get dating advice for men from women: women want to live in a fairytale, and they'll give you advice that fits with that fairytale. As a man living in the real world, in pursuit of real results, however, you can't listen to fairytale advice. Oct 10, In the dating game, women view winning as a relationship. This is more likely the case than with a man. A man will chase a woman and end up in a relationship but a woman will chase a relationship and end up with a man. We see this scenario at length when men and women live together but never marry. If you meet a great guy, vet him first. Mar 25, The Psychological Lure of the Dating Chase. Of course, there's some psychological reasoning behind the lure of the dating chase. Talkspace therapist Rachel O'Neill, Ph.D., explains, "There's certainly an ct of positive reinforcement that can be related to dating.
Not losing means you keep the kid gloves on, and skirt the friend zone and maybe even wade into it because you want to make sure you don't do anything too edgy that might lose you a girl But you don't want to play to not lose. You want play to win.
Let Him Chase You: Dating Advice for Women Who Want Both Long-Lasting Love and Respect in Their Relationships with Men Audible Audiobook - Unabridged L. Lynn Gilliard (Author, Narrator), Venup Self-Help & Development (Publisher) out of 5 stars 45 ratings. See all formats and editions Hide other formats and editions/5(8). The hunter in dating needs lots of encouragement. To spur him to ask for your phone number, be proceptive by saying something like "If you were to ask me for my phone number, I'd probably give it to you."He then has to ask you for your phone number. Handing a man your phone number before he asks for it is aggressive and a hunter attribute. Dating Advice. 10 Tips for Dating Mexican Girls. 10 Tips for Dating Uzbek Girls. 10 Tips for Dating Ukrainian Girls. 10 Tips for Dating a Vietnamese Girl. 10 Tips for Dating Filipina Girls. 10 Tips on Dating Russian Women. 10 Tips for Dating Brazilian Girls. 10 Tips for Dating Japanese Girls.
Dating advice from women doesn't tell you how to win though; it tells you how not to lose. And that's a big problem for men listening to that advice who actually want to succeed with women. Lisa, if you're reading, I hope you don't feel like I'm picking on you, but your comment's a very good example of the kind of advice women typically have for men, and I want to show men where there are some destructive for their cause - getting lovers and girlfriends pieces of advice in there.
Is this reasonable? In some ways, yes, I think it is. I think it's reasonable to have a standard that if someone invites you somewhere with them, that person pays. It's not a standard I have, nor is it one I'd participate in, but if someone wants to have it, I can see the rationale behind it, sure. On the other hand, I must ask If you invite a guy pal to go shopping, do you spring for his new Gucci shoes and that Armani jacket he's been eyeing?
That's because you're considering outings with friends separate from outings with men who are courting you.
Chase dating advice
But I'm not advising men to court women here. I'm advising men to treat women as friends Not as their future betrothed, though things may turn into that someday, long into the future, if that's what they want.
Should men pay for the company of women? I do believe some of them should. There truly are a number of men who've spent so little time developing themselves as attractive mates that the only reasonable recourse they have for spending time with women is spending money on women.
Is that what I teach men to do here? No, absolutely not. To the contrary, actually: I'm teaching men here how to make women want them without taking the traditional - and far less effective - approaches men take. I've been focused on improving my skills with women for the better part of a decade.
Understand chase dating advice join. And
And I've paid for lots of women; I've split the bill with lots of women; and I've had lots of women pay for me. Field tested. I'm not a big date fan, but I've been on somewhere around eighty dates over the past four or five years.
These numbers are pretty solidly established. Men get together most often with women who pay.
Second most often are women who split the bill. And I'm sure there are some men out there with better numbers than my own Brent, a commentator on the "Should You Pay for a Date? It's a sunk cost; money thrown away on something that never materializes. I've known a few guys who always paid and had pretty good date success rates, but those guys were incredibly charming, seductive men who I'm confident could've done even better had they taken the time to revamp their tactics.
So yeah, it doesn't work when you pay. And, despite this one anecdote by Lisa here, overall you actually get girls in bed a LOT more reliably when they pay. Like, it's no comparison at all, really. Don't believe it? Take it for a test drive. I'm not here to force anyone to believe anything they don't want to believe; I don't get points for changing minds.
A Surprising Way to Make Him Chase You - Dating Advice for Women by Mat Boggs
But before you get upset and start telling me it isn't right and that isn't the way it's supposed to be and such things would never work You'll come out of it seeing the world, men, women, dating, and social dynamics in a very different light, I guarantee.