Ummm, my parents are 14 years apart and are going on their 21st year in marriage. I don't understand why people can't be more open minded. In a world with 7 billion people, YES it is a possibility that two people 10 years apart can come together and have a successful relationship! NapoleonsBabe I totally agree with you. I actually prefer older guys anyway.
Try to word them so they don't give off an impression of being against the relationship: I think you'll get the best results by opening the conversation with the attitude that you're just curious and want to genuinely get to know what your daughter is currently going through better. That's not to say that you shouldn't already disapprove - while I personally wouldn't start feeling disapproval just from what you've described, your feelings are very understandable - but regardless of how you might initially feel, you can always tell her you disapprove a little later, once you've gotten as much of her perspective as she's willing to share.
But at first, it's better if you can be simply inquisitive: You don't want her to feel like you've already made up your mind before you've had a chance to thoroughly discuss it, right? I think sometimes people just disengage and become resistant to anything we say if they feel we're already against what they're doing, which reduces our ability to actually help them significantly.
Approaching with an inquisitive attitude helps everyone involved: If you ultimately decide you disapprove or that there are real concerns, you'll be able to present your position much more thoroughly, pointing to the concerning details from what she herself has told you.
In the process of asking her these questions, she might even start thinking about issues she might have overlooked herself. And maybe in the process, you'll learn something about why they're drawn to each other and how they both think and feel that makes you feel more comfortable with the whole thing. Personally, I'd just start with something like "hey, I was just wondering, could you tell me more about how this relationship started and what made you like him?
Unfortunately, it can be hard to find a way to word things without causing misinterpretations. For example, at least where I'm from, a curt and direct "So what do you see in him" can give a very negative, even judgmental impression, even though taken literally it's almost the same question. So maybe soften it with clarification, like "don't take this the wrong way, I'm just asking so that I understand what you're thinking and feeling, because I've decided that since this relationship seems to be important to you, I want to fully understand where that's coming from".
I think this a good starting point - it immediately gets at the root of investigating how much your concerns apply to this specific case, helps lead your daughter to spotting any problems that might be looming in this relationship without just making her feel like she's being told "no", builds mutual understanding and a possibility of openly discussing relationships, including the tough parts, between you and your daughter, and has the opportunity to show her by example what kind of questions to ask when figuring out if a person is right for her in a relationship.
Best case scenario, she and her romantic interest will positively surprise you with mature and well-considered perspectives on why they're right for each other. But if not, I think the above will put both you and your daughter in a better position to navigate any troubles that might come up, together.
Whilst the people I go on dates with are somewhere between I use an app that allows you to configure this and I'd be very cautious at dating anybody younger, I wouldn't necessarily draw the line at dating a year-old if they seemed mature and that's something exists almost entirely independently of age. Invite him for dinner and family days out. In this way, you'll be able to keep a weather eye on things. With regards to her education and career, you really only can do what any normal parent would do with a year-old, that is, encourage them in the right direction.
Travelling is something she will or won't do of her own accord and isn't a pre-requisite to successful grown-upping. Regarding pregnancy however, you ought to encourage her use of contraception.
The kind would be some sort of implant that require her to make a conscious decision to discontinue use.
One thing which no other post has covered, and which you probably don't want to hear, but is the plain and brutal truth Younger people are still learning and experimenting with what they can do, and they naturally want to do as much of it as they can, and have it be as enjoyable as possible.
As a rational person, it would make complete sense for her to get her experiences of what it should be like with someone who is actually competent. Most guys her own age are not going to be highly competent, so it makes sense for her not to play with them. The truth may simply be that she has no interest in a long-term romantic relationship with him, and they are purely enjoying having sex with each other.
17 year old dating 27 year old
You might not like to hear this about your year-old daughter, but you do need to face that she has sexual needs and as an adult is fully entitled to do absolutely anything she likes with absolutely anyone she chooses. This means that you leave everything regarding feelings, broken hearts, morality and so on to her to decide or experience on her own.
That's her obligation and lawful right. It's basic accountability. She's of age, which goes both ways. And maybe 3. What to do about this? You should try to stay close to both of them or at least her so she has you as a confidante, a trustworthy person - i. You cannot expect to be successful in digging around behind her back anyways. So, support her, make sure she knows that you are there for her, be truly happy that she found someone etc.
You can try to pull the guy into the family; i. Make those relaxed events, not "tests".
If and when you see signs of danger; then you act, with decisiveness. By supporting her, confronting the boy, and so on. Aside from that, you have precious little leverage, and being negative about it upfront will likely spoil whatever "power" you have in the situation. I heard stories from my parents: when he took her home after a date, it was her bedtime she was in high schoolso she would retire to her room. But he would stay on with her parents, playing cards sometimes late into the night.
So, her parents my maternal grandparents got to know Dad as a friend and potential son-in-law, through their own play-dates, not just from whole-family gatherings. But things were different then - she was trained by her mother to be a housewife and was not expected to go to school past 12th grade. Her own mother only went to school through 8th grade, which was normal for girls at that time. So, it seems to me that the issue isn't the difference in their ages, so much as that she's too young in this time to have a serious relationship that could be potentially long term.
A younger man would realize that they both have further life changes, but he might already be on a career track. But that depends on the career: he might still have yeaes of school and internships ahead, too! So maybe they are closer together in terms of life stages, than implied in the post.
It is perfectly reasonable for you to be feeling anxious about the well being of your daughter. Age differences aside, she is moving into a life of her own. Training wheels are off and she is going out into the world. There's always something you could find to be worried about as a parent. If it's not age difference in the guy she's dating, it could be something else.
I'm concerned that she'll get hurt, pregnant or that even if they are truly in love that she'll end up growing up too quickly and miss out on what girls her age do, university, traveling building a career.
The age of consent for a sexual relationship in Michigan is 16, so the answer to your question is the relationship is not illegal, unless the 27 year old is in a position of authority over the 17 year old, like a . I feel like a good person to answer this question, since I was 17 when I met my (then) 26 year old boyfriend. We started dating shortly after I turned 18 (nothing happened before that, we were just friends). I am now 21, he is 29 and we broke up a. 17 year old girl dating 27 year old man is it ok So I have a 17 year old daughter who has been dating this 27 year old man he's very respectful and responsible he has a good job he is a CO at a jail he also has a son I like the guy and he treats my daughter like a queen but is there relationship wrong.
The risk of being hurt in a relationship is universal. I don't think that is any more or less likely due to a mildly larger age gap than might be expected of a young woman.
There are certainly couples with a larger age gap who are happy. There's really no guarantee and she just has to live through her own relationship experience. As far as getting pregnant, throughout human history, nay mammalian history, females have served an integral role as mothers. It's a relatively recent and perhaps even baseless assumption that she will be happier pursuing university studies and a career. What is there to worry about her missing out on or that she will grow up to quickly if she finds a fulfilling life as a mother, just as many women have throughout history?
Jan 11, 17 year old girl dating a 27 year old man? Any 20 year old dating a highschool girl has ulterior motives or is extremely desperate, and pathetic. Source(s): seen this play out 4 times. either girl realizes guy is using her, or she realizes hes a complete fucking loser. 0 0 1. I'm 25 and I'm starting to date a 17 year old, I wonder if it really is wrong.? I was a different person when I was 17 and I'm I mean it like a totally different person and I wouldn't have. Whilst the people I go on dates with are somewhere between (I use an app that allows you to configure this) and I'd be very cautious at dating anybody younger, I wouldn't necessarily draw the line at dating a year-old if they seemed mature (and that's something exists almost entirely independently of .
Yes, even those mothers who are young by modern expectations can have a very fulfilling life. But all of the studies showing stay at home moms are happier and all of the examples of childless women who pursued their careers and ended up with regrets really don't mean anything when it comes to what will be the best life for your daughter.
She may find that she wants to pursue that university and career path after all. Either way, if you are going to adopt the modern outlook on such things, you are going to have to accept that it's entirely up to her to choose her own path in life.
I know the real concern. You don't want to end up taking care of another newborn!
Consider, that 17 year old dating 27 year old thanks for
Well, provided her partner has his life together, you could be a proud grandfather. Hopefully they are responsible enough to plan such a thing without any surprises. But if she gets pregnant and it doesn't work out, he's in a far worse situation than she.
It's in his best interest to not get her pregnant because these days a man can lose all of his parenting rights and every penny he makes in such a situation. It's certainly cause for hesitation.
Maybe it would put you at ease to remind him that family courts most certainly will not be on his side and gauge how sensible he is when it comes to responsibly having premarital sex with your daughter.
He does seem a very sensible person, he owns his own successful business although still living with parents. It sounds like they have something in common. Hey he could be a lot more mature and experienced than the guys her age. It could very well be much worse. Unless there's some specific cause for alarm, I can't see anything to worry about here any more than if she were dating a guy who is I got together with my current girlfriend when she was 16 and I was Not AS big a difference, but a significant enough of one to be a concern for myself as well as it took a long time for me to be truly sure her parents approved.
It was rather awkward for me to ask about it, as you'll understand, but it would have saved us all quite a bit of a headache if we had opened this conversation from either side. The core reason I didn't go around my girlfriend to ask her parents this was mostly out of respect for her autonomy.
She was "old for her age", and in the end it turned out her parents had never expected differently from her. Reading some of the other answers, I think everyone is pushing too much advice onto you and as a parent you already know much of what they are saying. Become closer to her boyfriend and carefully insert yourself into his life. Have a conversation with your daughter about her excitement and experience instead of voicing your concerns.
Make it about sharing what she is going through and what her fears are. Reassure her that love is not something to be afraid of. Tell her to embrace the intensity of her emotions so she can always remember these feelings.
Begin placing responsibility onto your daughter that keeps her involved in her own family's life. For example you can decide that Sundays she must help you to cook so that you can pass on your tricks to her.
Go with her to do STI screenings and teach her that one must always keep getting checked regardless of monogamy and commitment. It's just good habit. You already sound like a great parent so just continue being that. My first love was 14 years older than me and I can tell you that your concerns are justified. If he begins to mistreat her or you see any signs of emotional abuse then you can put your foot down in a loving and parental way.
Her boyfriend and his family should be well aware of this fact. Things are above-board and within bounds, it seems. If you trust your daughters judgement and maturity then you can ration your concerns or reserve them for indications of the pace of progress in the relationship.
Relative age difference will diminish quickly over time. I don't have much else to add but I would bring you to note that age is not just a chronological number. There is biological age and your mental and emotional age to consider. The specific circumstances in your daughter's instance might not be out of order. Your daughter is in a high risk, but also high reward situation. You can't and shouldn't prevent the relationship, but you should set some ground rules to minimize the risks, and maximize the rewards.
I am reminded of an old American story of a year old girl who chased and won a year old military officer, who later became a General, William Westmoreland.
At an early age, she had latched on to a "winner," and her life was made. I see a possibility of that happening here.
Agree, 17 year old dating 27 year old you inquisitive
It's comforting to know that the young man "seems a very sensible person, and owns his own successful business. If he is also "honourable," and this is the key, he will protect your daughter. If this is the case, "the game is worth the candle. The main thing is to set some standards. First, that "protection" is used for all physical activities.
Second, that she keeps track of where the relationship is at all times. Third, that she comes to you for help and guidance if she ever feels that she's in over her head. Adolescent girls are more mature than guys by several yearsin the late teens and early 20s. So the eight year difference in ages may be more like four or five in maturity.
It could be that two people who are both unusually mature for their ages "found" each other at a young age. If that's the case, they will be more compatible over the long term than either with other, more "random," people closer to their own age. It's also possible that one or both of them senses this. As parents, I wouldn't stand in their way, but I would "stand by" for possible trouble. Sign up to join this community. The best answers are voted up and rise to the top.
Home Questions Tags Users Unanswered. How to respond to 17 year old daughter going out with a 25 year old man? Ask Question. Asked 3 years, 3 months ago. Active 3 years, 2 months ago. Viewed 70k times. Tom Au 2 2 silver badges 8 8 bronze badges. Please use comments for clarification, not tangential observations or answers - use Parenting Chat if you want to discuss!
Sorry, I don't understand your point, "I can only think he's with her for one reason!
If you're not a native English speaker, that phrase "for one reason! Fattie, I am not a native speaker, but isn't that contradictory to OP: "he must be thinking about starting a family, marriage, etc and her starting out in life. It contradicts the premise. Based on the logic, it shows that "Reductio ad absurdum.
Active Oldest Votes. For instance: You have knowledge of the guys work and living situation. They presumably live close You have another set of parents you can communicate with.
In other words, while the rule states that year-old women can feel comfortable dating year-old men, this does not reflect the social preferences and standards of women. Jan 10, Im a 17 year old junior, and i asked out a 14 year old freshman girl who i really like. I keep going back and forth between kicking myself for asking someone out who is so young, and not stressing over it and being happy that she said yes I dont know how her parents feel about her dating a 17 year old, but im beginning to think their alright with it because i know she tells her parents. Ummm, my parents are 14 years apart and are going on their 21st year in marriage. I don't understand why people can't be more open minded. In a world with 7 billion people, YES it is a possibility that two people 10 years apart can come together and have a successful relationship!
You KNOW about the situation. It's not a secret. So don't panic. These are good things. You sound like a great parent and I wish the very best to you and your daughter. My year is the first year to be required to stay in full time education until the academic year in which we turn The child in question is either my year or the year below.
I'm not saying this is a bad answer, but it is quite anecdotal. Fattie Age difference matters less once your older, but as a teenager the gap is much more pronounced and thus concerning.
Fattie respectfully, that sounds like a complete assumption on your part. Why not do both? Peter Peter 2, 7 7 silver badges 18 18 bronze badges.
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation is not constructive and has been moved to chat. Several answers already, but I want to address a couple of your concerns. That was 20 years ago, so I can tell you how it turned out.
We are happier than ever. We have 7 amazing kids, ages 18 to 2. Our oldest is already succeding at university. Martin Argerami Martin Argerami 5 5 silver badges 10 10 bronze badges. You married a year-old at 28? You ol' dog, you!
I married a year-old, when I was My husband and I got married early and travelled after, together. I'm glad this all worked out for you, but it's very anecdotal and I don't feel it offers OP any real advice.
Giving birth at 17 means that the person in question would never get to experience fully independent life. I'd be extremely wary of such advice. The general rule of thumb for age appropriateness is half plus 7.
The obligatory XKCD cartoon: 25 and 17 is slightly over. Pete Pete 2 2 silver badges 2 2 bronze badges.
Opinion 17 year old dating 27 year old state affairs
How did you do the math? Not that I disagree with your answer but using the rule of thumb here may not be the best argument. My 17 year old friend knew what I was going through though. The thing is older guys are sometimes more mature and mature girls LIKE them.
But I didn't continue it. I knew it wouldn't work out, and he'd already experienced so much I hadn't and needed to myself. With people my age. Then when I ended it I found out he was a bit hard to get rid off.
Consider, that 17 year old dating 27 year old error
And it hurt me because I really still liked him but had to do what was good and healthy for me. It turned out I was right to leave him. You maybe have issues like this again with being attracted to older guys because they're not juvenile delinquents. Good luck.
I Was 17 Dating a 27 Year Old?! - Story Time
Do what's right and healthy for you. Trending News. Actress Kelly Preston dies at 57 after cancer battle. Poll: Favorite replacement nicknames for 'Redskins'. Study reveals coronavirus can damage the heart. Steve Harvey apologizes for dropping F-bomb. Trump: A President Biden would get 'no ratings'. Washington NFL team dropping 'Redskins' name. John Travolta pays tribute to 'beautiful' wife after death.
Parents grappling with sending kids back to school. Nelson Mandela's youngest daughter dead at Body found in lake where Naya Rivera disappeared. ate: I live in the UK, it's not illegal here, age of consent is Answer Save. Teddy WonderBread. Source s : seen this play out 4 times.