This time of year, your social media feeds might be flooded with advice of the season: adopt an attitude of gratitude if you want to live a happy and fulfilling life. Numerous studies have shown the positive effects that a gratitude practice can have on our level of happiness and fulfillment, so why are we resistant? Many of us tend to get caught up in a cycle of blame and victimhood. But this is exactly what you can do in your low moments. Your life is more than a few bad dates. In fact, there are so many more inspiring or joyful things to notice and remember.
The world is mad but I'm not! Grateful for : things being pretty good.
Can not gratitude and dating remarkable
Tuesday, January 15, Resolution. It's true, I don't make resolutions-at least not for New Year's. I often do resolve to make exercise a routine or cook more at home. Those two "resolutions" are always in play in my life. Generally, over the last year or so, I've done well at getting some daily exercise as part of my normal routine-whether it's walking to and from the metro or biking part of my commute.
I am trying now to make yoga a bit more of a regular thing. It's really hit and miss on that one. I had a talk with the bf about this because he does a regular yoga practice. He doesn't exactly encourage me to do yoga or to adopt his practice and I can't figure out why not. Well, I take that back-he is encouraging in general for me to do some kind of yoga but almost discouraging when it comes to his kind Astanga. Speaking of him, I continue to be exrated with him.
In fact, I finally got him to show his frustration with me the other day.
It was kind of weird to see him "angry. One of the things that I fuss at him about that is really trivial is when he explains to me how to do something that is blindingly obvious. I feel "mansplained" and I tell him to stop. He was telling me that it's a nothing that I should just ignore and it doesn't mean what I think it does. I think that's probably right but I also don't know how to make it stop bothering me.
And I also don't know how to stop caring that he doesn't actually pay attention to things that are happening right in front of his face.
Or when he texts about the minutiae of his day but never, ever asks about my stuff. Or how much stuff I have to remind him about. He's really good at times about taking my needs and desires into consideration and other times, it's like he hasn't heard a word I've said. Pretty sure that's very normal and some of this is just getting used to being in a relationship.
At the same time, today and yesterday I started to feel very blah and down about the whole thing. Like I want a break. I want my life back. Yet he hasn't impeded my life at all. He is around about as much as I request He's not jealous of me or my time. I think I am more jealous of his time because he gives or wants to give? I dunno. I'm having a ton of doubts right now. I have wanted a real relationship for so long We're not really a good match? I don't really want a relationship?
I need to be patient and continue to let things play out? Heaviest of sighs. Grateful for : a little snow and plenty of time. Monday, December 31, Happy New Year. I started this blog right before New Year's Eve over a decade ago. I just checked-it was December 29, !
It's a good time to check in.
Gratitude and dating
Traditionally, I hate NYE. I have made some peace with it over the years, heading to a local bar for a drink or just doing nothing. This year, I have a boyfriend!
And we have no plans. I suggested we go see a free art installation at the Yards Park, which involves lights. I think it will be fun and we'll be home before 10pm.
Jun 06, Gratitude reverses our priorities to help us appreciate the people and things we do. Get the science of a meaningful life delivered to your inbox. Submit. About the Authors. Joel Wong Joel Wong, Ph.D., is an associate professor of counseling psychology at Indiana University. His research interests include positive psychology, men and. Dating With Gratitude: How to Increase Your Chances of Finding Love. Posted By: Kelly Seal Date: Comments: 0 This time of year, your social media feeds might be flooded with advice of the season: adopt an attitude of gratitude if you want to live a happy and fulfilling life. Jun 07, Gratitude is a vital attitude in marriage, a positive indicator that a husband and wife find their relationship satisfying, according to a new study of couples married an average of some 20 years.
Maybe I'll make him stay up. Or not. It doesn't matter. We had a most relaxing incredibly lazy weekend that involved doing almost nothing. I'm sure we'll both go back to our normal relatively active routines in a few days.
Work has been very slow-or at least I've been slow about actually doing any work even though there is work to do. I've had a variety of frustrations with this new bf. Yet it was such a calm easy weekend plus that I feel much better about everything. He is so "there," so present, that it's very easy to be with him. He came with me to Oakland and that was good.
He is very quiet but just slipped into the family time like it was nothing. Everyone left him alone and he did start to loosen up and talk a little. But there he is, calm or anxious underneathand steady, and not going anywhere.
I think I'm not going anywhere either.
Grateful for : a good start to a new year. Tuesday, October 16, Burning desire. Where do I talk about dating these days? It's tempting to put things on FB, where I know I'll get feedback, but it's not private. It's not But also, here is what? So things with the new guy are progressing.
Will know, gratitude and dating think, that
I took him up to NJ to visit B1 and family-it went well and while I wasn't ecstatic it was as much fun as those trips usually are. New guy tries so hard not to be in the way that it can sometimes be a problem. He is also extremely deliberate. So his move. It's a huge deal for him and for our relationship. He signed a lease for a new apartment. He has renter's insurance. A move-in date. He's getting storage. Planning on getting the car registration changed and new driver's license he got the DL today!
Yes, I know all of this-way too much! I'm not helping him I think that's just how his mind works. He is not moving all at once but over a few two? His move should be good for him regardless-he'll have a more rational commute and be able to stop driving to work every day most days he can take metro. I actually think the travel time between our two houses will end up being about the same, which is not exactly ironic, but there you go.
I don't think he's figured that out yet, but the reduction in commute should make it easier to see each other. And since he'll no longer be living with a clearly mentally unstable person, I can go to his place sometimes.
Are absolutely gratitude and dating congratulate
I can't remember the last time I spent time at a guy's house. As much as I like to be home, I am kind of excited about being able to spend time in his space and see how he lives.
He makes almost no footprint at my place-he leaves no trace, as it were. He has stayed over a few times and it's fine-it's good. It's like he's really my boyfriend I wish there were a better word-we are just too old for that. But yes, I have a boyfriend. He's a great guy. I like spending time with him. I am occasionally frustrated by him. Is it too soon to be frustrated? I wonder if that is going to continue and be a problem One of the best things about him is that he weathers my little storms of frustration like they're nothing-just a little choppy water that we navigate to smoother seas.
I'd like to be less choppy and less reactive but also, that's kind of who I am a lot of the time, especially in a relationship.
This easy to prep gratitude journal is the perfect way to say how blessed you are to be married to your spouse! 14 prompts included! Printables Designed by Leah @ January + May Exclusively for The Dating Divas. Shanelle. Filed Under: Shanelle, Special Occasions. Geez. I'm still dating the new guy. Poor dude doesn't even have a blog name! I want to say "Jimmy" because our real names have some similarity, though not quite that much. He's really not a Jimmy but we can go with that for now. I love having a boyfriend. I admit it! The public facing ct is fantastic. I know it shouldn't matter. Why gratitude is important in dating and relating. More recently, Kubacka, Finkenauer, Rusbult, and Keijsers evaluated the effects of gratitude on loving "relationship maintenance" behaviors.
I get so sensitized to everything-even I find it annoying. But, he doesn't. And yes, he is very lucky to be with me because overall, I am pretty great.
Also, astonishingly, I am the second person he has been on a date with who he met online. That says nothing about how long he was online and everything about how picky he is about who he contacts.
But still. I have completely lost track of how many internet dates I've been on. Approaching for sure. Whatever happens, I can take a little break from that nonsense and focus on a different kind of nonsense. Grateful for : my new guy. Wednesday, September 26, Me too. What a strange time.
I find myself obsessed with the reporting about the Kavanaugh confirmation. I am stunned at the flood of revelations from women about their unreported sexual assaults. I have started wondering what in my own life could be classified as "assault. I used to only think of one incident as very troubling and I also felt ashamed and sometimes when I told the story, I would leave the part out where the strange man touched my breast.
May 29, An attitude of gratitude. This is not only a great rhyme but a great way to live. You should always be grateful for the things you have. Thankful for everything - big and small - that fill your life and make it special. With the hustle and bustle of modern-day life, too many people get it backward. They decide they will be grateful when they get a promotion, a new job, a home, a new car, a. Jun 25, When was the last time you expressed gratitude in your marriage - and said, "Thank you." to your spouse? Gratitude in Marriage. Gratitude. Thankfulness. It's important to tell your spouse how thankful you are. Sometimes we'll say, "Thank you." to a stranger, before we'll say it to our spouse! If gratitude feels too difficult for you to access right now, that's okay too. Gratitude is part of a larger family of positive emotions that includes love, hope, laughter, inspiration, creativity, and pride. Any of these emotions will also help you weather the storm of this uthatliz.comecedented disaster.
I hadn't encouraged him. I had been plotting an escape from him the entire encounter. Here's that story: I was 21 and traveling alone in Europe some months after graduating from college. I was spending a few weeks in Barcelona, staying in a pension. This the same place where I met my Dutch friend but I think possibly before he moved in. That night, I went to see a movie a couple of miles from where I was staying.
I planned to walk back via the long straight blocks of Barcelona to the old part of town where I was staying.
Why was I walking? Was it a weeknight and too late for the bus? Did I just want to walk? I can't remember. I didn't even consider taking a taxi. It was after dark and I knew walking alone mean some risk. At some point, a man started walking next to me and talking to me. I was always keen to practice my Spanish, so at first I was ok with engaging with him, though my guard was up.
I don't know what he asked me but the standards would've been: where I was from, if I was married or had a boyfriend, if or why I was traveling alone. I don't remember how I answered-during that trip I often told men I was married and at least some of the time I wore a ring that looked like a wedding band.
I think he wanted me to go somewhere with him to get a drink. I kept saying no, I had to get home. I expected him to give up and break off at some point, but he didn't. He stuck with me during that entire walk. As we approached the old part of town, I started coming up with a plan for how I would escape him.
I don't remember seeing anyone around so calling out for help was a no-go. But there was a bar right next to the entrance of my pension; I'd been in there at least once and they were friendly. I decided that if he was still with me when I got back, one option was to go into the bar and tell the bartender that he was bothering me. My first choice was to get into my building and leave him behind.
The building had a heavy door that led into a courtyard. I knew if I could get through that door fast enough, I could slam it behind me and shut him out on the other side. I assume we were still talking but I cannot remember any of that conversation. I also remember assessing him physically. He was small; shorter and skinnier than me.
I knew that didn't mean he wasn't strong but I also figured I could put up a pretty good physical resistance to him if it came to that. This is a completely unacceptable situation. Yet, I was prepared for it. I got my keys in my hand and decided to make a break for the courtyard.
As I was opening the door and telling him to go away, he managed to get very close to me, face to face, and when I refused him yet again, he said "loca!
Phrase, gratitude and dating are not
I pushed him away, opened the gate, slipped in and closed it behind me. I was safe. I've told that story many times-but almost never do I include the part where he grabbed my breast.
It felt like maybe I should've done more to get rid of him. That maybe I shouldn't have talked to him at all. That I was tainted by his unwanted touch. That being a victim meant I gave up part of my self-image as a strong independent person. As someone no man would dare harass because he would know I would fight back. I think mostly this is true about me-and this experience doesn't invalidate it.
Also that maybe what happened was really trivial and I didn't want to deal with pity and people making it into a big deal. This is experience is what I usually think about when I say I've been sexaully assaulted-that is, I've never said it until this year. But there is also something that happened when I was much younger that felt shame about for years and I don't know if it fits.
When I was 12, in the 6th grade, I had a date with a boy I'd pursued for the entire year. Finally, finally he asked me to the movies. During the movie, he stuck his hand down my shirt and groped me in a most unpleasant way.
I didn't want him to touch me and I slowly eased his hand out of my shirt. I kissed him willingly, though I still remember it as one of the most unpleasant kisses I've ever had. I didn't say anything about the groping to anyone for years.
I think I can count on one hand the number of people I told, while I did mention the kissing to many. I liked him so much and so wanted him to be my boyfriend-I was terrified to tell him I didn't like the way he touched me. It didn't matter-he broke up with me a couple of weeks later so he could be "free for the summer. I was too young for that. When it did happen, I just sort of accepted it as something dudes liked to do, but not something I would ever enjoy.
Luckily, by the time I was 20, I'd had an experience that that changed my mind about that. I don't know I have been very lucky-those incidents didn't result in major trauma or damage to my psyche. Still, what it confirms to me is that literally every woman has likely been sexually assaulted. Maybe it was a slap on the ass, maybe it was rape-but no woman is allowed to think she has complete autonomy over her body-and that is the lesson that the patriarchy wants us to learn.
Being in this headspace and really thinking hard about this stuff-not for the first time, but probably for the first time in relation to my own experiences-makes it a very strange time to be starting a new relationship. Grateful for : surviving. Monday, September 24, Well, well, well. A lot has happened since May. Maybe I have a I can't say it. I've been dating someone. I said to him the other day, "we're dating, right? Met him for the first time six weeks ago.
We met via an app. You know how long that's been going on. How many years I was fine at first. One date a week for four weeks Now, after six weeks and three sleepovers, I'm finally starting to feel that nagging anxiety that dating often brings me. But other things. The Musician. I was booked back-to-back on the first date. First the new guy, then the Musician.
The date went well and ran long. The Musician never got back to me. Really never: to this day, I still haven't heard from him.
We'd seemed to be back on an even keel, but perhaps not? Doesn't matter. I sent him a multi-part text the other day wishing him well and saying it was over. I didn't mention that I'm seeing someone because that's not why it's over. For sure having a new guy gave me the courage to cut him off, but it's not the main reason. My friend, the one who gave me the silent treatment, is back to being my friend, but we're definitely not as close.
He doesn't text me as often. Which is not only fine but preferable. We may have dinner this week, though. I still want to be his friend, I just don't want to be his therapist.
So, Mr. New Guy. He's pretty good, pretty interesting, pretty cute, pretty unusual. He's a vegan yogi with a software job. Number one, he needs to move and he's been looking at apartments. Does my mom still read this? Lord, I hope not. I'm not planning to tell her about him until he has a signed lease. But I'm itching for him to meet my friends. He is very sweet and says a lot of nice things to me-which I love but also have a hard time believing.
But he believes it. Can I actually allow someone to like me this much? Can I take it? Can the issues that need resolving actually be resolved or am I fooling myself? When they are resolved, will he be gone like the wind? Issue number 2 is both serious and easy to resolve and doesn't involve outside parties, unlike issue number 1.
I'm giving him a chance and if he's sincere otherwise, I think he'll come through. That it was even an issue led to a pretty surprising meltdown on my part and I don't even know why he stuck around for that. This dude loves old radio shows as much as I do. Same politics.
Gratitude to the Rescue. The good news is there's a way to breathe new life into your relationship and make your partner feel appreciated once again. The simple fix is to inject feelings of gratitude into your relationship. That's right, an attitude of gratitude just might .
Lived in lot of the same places, notably NC. Much older half siblings. Still a very different cultural background and not a talker. Great reminder! I always enjoy popping over here, Lori! Blessings on your day! Thanks for kind words, and for continuing to stop in!
Thank you for dropping in and commenting! Thank you for taking care of the kids while I managed all my crazy deadlines that were due before traveling, including dinner, medicine, dental care, etc etc!! If I added mine to your list, it would have to be thank you for understanding that my mood swings often really are beyond my control, and gently guiding me back to what should be normal reactions to everyday events when I fly off into the deep end.
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Locked Up : Break The Cycle
Discover Your Differentiating Values for Couples. Gratitude in Marriage Jun 25, Bonnie Lyn Smith on June 26, at pm. Lori on June 29, at pm. Valerie on June 26, at pm.